WEAPONS

Pistols:

• De Da. – Law: 100% Accuracy and recoil reduction while zoomed. +100% melee damage. (Quest Reward, "Won't get fooled again" or drop from the Sheriff in Lynchwood)
• Havin' a tea Partay drinkin' mah Teeea! – Teapot: Corrosive effect spreads to nearby enemies. (Quest Reward, "You Are Cordially Invited: Tea Party")
• I am free now. – Judge: Additional Critical Hit damage. (Dropped by Assassin Oney in "Assassinate the Assassins")
• Did I fire six shots, or only five? Three? Seven. Whatever. – Unkempt Harold: Fires 3 bullets which split into several mini rockets on a horizontal plane. (Drops from Savage Lee)
• Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried. – Rubi: High elemental chance, reward from Moxxi. While wielded, any elemental damage-over-time effects cause you to gain health. (Quest Reward, "Rakkaholics Anonymous")
• Would I lie to you? – Fibber: Inaccurate stats displayed. Flavor stats +50% love, +3000% damage. Actual behavior is highly variable - may have enormously boosted critical hit damage, fire one projectile or several; shots may ricochet; if they do, ricochet hits may do substantially increased bonus damage; shots may also travel at slow speed when several are fired, if so 7 are fired for high damage - but will be constant for any given instance of the weapon. (Quest reward, "A Real Boy")
• Shoulda stopped at one. – Veritas: +10% duration to Fight For Your Life for every Aequitas or Veritas equipped in the party. (Quest Reward, "Clan Wars: Wakey Wakey")
• Good for starting fires. – Flynt's Tinderbox: High chance to cause fire effect. Bullets travel in an arc. (Dropped from Captain Flynt)
• Thinking outside the box. – Gwen's Head: Burst fires 7 instead of 3.
• Fear the swarm! – Hornet: Larger burst fires 5 ~ 11 rounds. High Elemental Effect: (Dropped from Knuckle Dragger).
• Love is a Lady Finger. True Love is a Lady Fist. – Lady Fist: Deals +400% damage on crit. High magazine count. Refers to Lady Finger, a quest reward in BL1. (Quest reward, "Uncle Teddy")
• I can have such a thing? – Thunderball Fists: Shots create a ball of lightning after impact, which then explodes 3 seconds after impact. Lightning ball deals +300% shock damage upon explosion. (Dropped by Captain Flynt)
• Dodge this. – Dahlminator: Fires homing & ricocheting projectiles that stick to enemy and explode (usually Corrosive). Can be found with either 2x or 4x ammo per shot. (Quest reward, "The Lost Treasure")
• Abt Natural – Gub: Massive Magazine, high chance of elemental effect. (Dropped from Laney, "The Cold Shoulder").
• It's closer than you think! (no it isn't) – Infinity: Infinite ammo, does not need to be reloaded. Recoil is in the shape of a sideways-8 infinity sign. (Dropped from Dr Mercy).
• Give it a burl. – Gunerang: Reloading throws the gun like a boomerang right back at player and explodes. (Drop from Rakkman)
• Gun, Gunner! – Logan's Gun: Rounds cause a double explosion on impact. 4x ammo per shot. (Drop from Wilhelm)
• Monty's wife don't take no guff. – Maggie: fires a 6 pellet shotgun-like spread. Can be found with 'Two Fer' prefix, which makes it shoot 10 pellets at the cost of 2 rounds of ammo. (Drop from Mick Zaford)
• Thief. – Greed: No speed loss when aiming down the sights, elemental Jakobs gun. (Drops from Captain Scarlett)
• Shock and awwwww! So cute! – Little Evie: Increases cool-down rate if kill made using it during cool-down. (Given by Lil' Sis after killing Mr. Bubbles)

Shotguns:

• Because one barrel ain't enough, and two is too few. – Dog: Decreased accuracy, increased fire rate. (Dropped by Assassin Rouf during Quest "Assassinate the Assassins").
• Good things kill in threes. – Triquetra: Consumes 3 ammo per shot, increased damage and number of pellets. Pellets fire in a triquetra shape (an Irish symbol). (Quest Reward, "Clan Wars: End of the Rainbow")
• I don't want to set the world on fire... – Heart Breaker: Fire damage and +50% critical damage. Shoots in a heart pattern. When holding this weapon any elemental damage-over-time you deal causes you to gain health. (Quest Reward, "Safe and Sound")
• I like being a gun. – Shotgun 1340: Has Hyperion Loader voice that talks. (Quest reward, "Out of body experience")
• Let's just ping everyone all at once. – Conference Call: Low-pellet-count, high-damage shotgun with small spread. Additional pellets will fire from the sides and behind out of thin air, quadrupling the pellet count for a massive amount of hits. (Drops from the Warrior)
• Also try Minecraft! – Blockhead: Fires 9 pellets in a square formation. Pellets ricochet off most surfaces. (Drops from Badass Creeper)
• Octo means9. – Octo: Fires 8 pellets in 3x3 pattern with one pellet missing. Pellets are relatively slow moving, but fly in a sine-wave pattern, expanding and collapsing the spread as they travel. So, at specific distances, the cluster is tight, and at others spread out, and the missing pellet changes sectors with each collapse. Depending on elemental damage, pellets may leave colored trails. (Quest Reward, "Slap-Happy")
• Don't retreat. Instead, reload! – RokSalt: Very fast reload speed. (Quest Reward, "Splinter Group")
• Get off my lawn! – Landscaper: Fires four projectiles in a trapezoid pattern that attach to a surface and explode after a short duration. (Quest Reward, "Clan War: Zafords vs Hodunks")
• Makes Orphans Often. – Orphan Maker: Low pellet count, high damage and occasionally bonus Critical Hit damage. 
• Curse of the Nefarious Backlash! – Orphan Maker: Firing inflicts minor damage on the user. (Quest reward: Message in a Bottle; Pirate's Booty DLC)
• Flak The World – Flakker: Fires 3 slow moving projectiles that release additional explosive projectiles outward as they fly, similar to the Mongol. Initial projectiles will reflect off walls, but secondary explosives will explode on impact.
• Thirteen Fandir? – Striker: High Accuracy, very low spread. +70% crit damage. (Drops from Old Slappy)
• The Legend Lives – Sledge's Shotgun: Burst fire. (Drops from Smash Head)
• Kiki got a shotgun – Deliverance: When shotgun is thrown for reload, it will fly and seek enemies like a homing grenade, as well as shooting at anything it's chasing. It will explode when it touches an enemy or after five seconds. (Drops from Tumbaa)
• Flee the Wave, Dude! – Tidal Wave: Fires 7 horizontal slow moving projectiles in a wave pattern that ricochets off of surfaces once if it does not hit an enemy. (Quest Reward, "Uncle Teddy")
• His teeth made them flee in shame... – Teeth of Terramorphous: Fire elemental. Shoots in a closing jaw-like pattern, very wide spread. (Drops from Terramophous)
• A Pirate's Life for me! – Jolly Roger: Shoots in a Skull 'n' Bones pattern, high pellet count for a 3 ammo per shot shotgun. (Quest Reward, "Just Desserts for Desert Deserters")
• Ewww – Retcher: 2 grenades will spawn from the explosion of the weapon from a Tediore reload dealing explosive damage despite the grenades exploding in the effect of the weapon's element. (Seraph Weapon, Pirate's Booty DLC)

Combat Rifles:

• I want that rifle, Daddy! – Veruc: Fires 3 projectiles at the cost of 2 bullets in a horizontally linear spread. When zoomed, fires a five-round burst of the same pattern, but each group gets progressively tighter. (Drops from Mobley)
• Gar! Gorarr!! My dad's a scientist! GWARRRR!!!! – Hammer Buster: Unusually high bullet damage compared to similar rifles. (Drops from McNally)
• Say not in grief: "He is no more," but live in thankfulness that he was. – Scorpio: Occasionally fires multiple rounds. Extra shots still consume ammo, and may proc to a random element. (Quest reward, "Bearer of Bad News")
• Evil will be SMASHED!!! WITH SMASHING!!! EVIL!!! SMASH!!! ER!!! – Evil Smasher: Has custom skin, covered in doodles and stick figure art. On reload, has a random chance (10% maybe?) to make a sound and add 17 to its magazine size (can just fire one shot and reload until you get it). Shots fired from this mag do roughly 10x normal damage and have a faster fire rate. Accuracy and recoil recuperation are also increased. This effect goes away if you switch weapons. (Quest reward, "The Chosen One").
• What play thing can you offer me today? – Hail: Bullets are fired at a 45 degree angle upward, causing the bullets to land ~30 meter away minimum unless aiming down into the floor. The rounds also split into two projectiles after some distance and resemble fireworks when shot for prolonged periods. Its normal non-zoomed sight is also switched to a range markers one with no actual cross-hair. (Quest reward, "Bandit Slaughter: Round 5")
• Oh, sorry, was that your head? – Stomper: Higher Crit Damage. Has custom skin. (Quest Reward, "Hungry Like a Skag")
• Torgue got more BOOM! – KerBlaster: Fires a bullet sized rocket, that explodes on contact. Spawns a single child grenade after impact. (Drops from Midgemong's Bullymong)
• Speed kills. – Shredifier: High fire rate, long barrel spin duration.
• It's a Madhouse! A MADHOUSE!!! – Madhous!: Bullets fired split into two upon impact and bounce, bullets become faster after every bounce. (Supposed to drop from Mad Dog. Does not though due to a bug.)
• We're Pirates. We don't follow the rules. – Stinkpot: Bullets fired bounce off of one non-organic surface before exploding on second contact. Elemental Jakobs. (Drops from No-Beard)
• As I end the refrain, thrust home. – Rapier: 200% melee damage. (Quest Reward: Message in a Bottle - Hayter's Folly; Pirate's Booty DLC) 
• Curse of the Porcelain Fist! – Rapier: The user takes increased damage from Melee attacks. (Quest reward: Message in a Bottle - Hayter's Folly; Pirate's Booty DLC)

Sniper Rifles:

• Bison Bison had had had had had Bison Bison Bison shi shi shi. – Buffalo: Increased critical hit damage and increased normal damage, always has no scope. (Quest reward: Demon Hunter)
• I can see my house from here. – Fremington's Edge: Increased zoom level. While scoped, has the Hyperion steadying effect without having to fire. Fully automatic. (Dropped from Reeth the Assassin during Quest "Assassinate the Assassins")
• I infrequently perish. – Trespasser: Ignores shields. Callback to Mordecai's Trespass skill from Borderlands 1, which gave up to a 100% chance to ignore shields. Mordecai also contacts you via ECHO to see if you're alright when getting a Second Wind. (Quest reward, "Animal Rights")
• Yeah, booze'll do that to ya... – Sloth: Burst fire sniper rifle with slow moving rounds. (Quest reward, "Rakkaholics Anonymous")
• Mainstream'd! – Pitchfork: 5 Horizontal Shot Burst Fire. (Drop from Terramorphus)
• Pele humbly requests a sacrifice, if it's not too much trouble. – Volcano: Fire damage bonus, fire effect spreads to nearby enemies. (Drop from the Warrior)
• a Rose by any other name... – Morningstar: Annoying, guilt-tripping voice on reload, kill, or critical hit. Chance of additional +100% or +200% critical hit damage. Storing gun also does annoying voice which plays at random intervals. (Quest reward, "Hyperion Contract #873")
• Je suis enchante, Ou est le bibliotheque? – Chère-amie: (Translated: I am charmed, where is the library? – Dear-friend)Sends out healing beams on hit like Transfusion grenades. Similar effects to Kyros' Power from BL1. (Quest reward, "Hyperion Slaughter: Round 5")
• Man Killer – White Death: Fires a trio of projectiles in a horizontal pattern for the cost of 1 bullet. Increased critical hit damage. Damage is spread across the 3 projectiles. (Drop from Gettle)
• Makes your brain hurt. – Skullmasher: x5 pellet per bullet, low accuracy for a sniper rifle. (Drop from Son of Mothrakk) A returning BL1 legendary.
• The Executioner has arrived. – Invader: Fires five shots in burst (Drop from Saturn)
• Ceci n'est pas un sniper rifle! – Longbow: (Translated: This is not a Sniper Rifle) Scopeless, fire damage, and fires a slow, arcing projectile which leaves pixelated trail (resembling the arrows in Minecraft). (Drop from Badass Creeper)
• Sink me! – Pimpernel: Fires a single round that on impact releases 5 globules matching the gun's element in 5 directions which also explode on impact. The five globules spread from the center of impact in arcs, as if droplets from a splash. (Quest Reward from C3n50r807/Censorbot - Mission: "Don't Copy That Floppy")

Rocket Launchers:

• Hippity Hoppity! – Bunny: When reloaded the gun bounces along the ground in a forward-random direction similar to a rubberized grenade. It will also randomly drop active grenades as it bounces. (Drops from Chubby enemies)
• Name dropper. – Nukem: When fired, the rocket simulates a small Nuclear blast (Drops from The Black Queen)
• The Horde will always return! – Mongol: A returning Legendary weapon from BL1. Uses 2 ammo per shot. Fires a large rocket which in turn fires off smaller rockets as it travels. In the description, states 'consumes less ammo per shot. Just kidding! no it doesn't.' (Drops from Dukino's Mom)
• Toasty! – Roaster: Drastically increased rocket speed (nearly instant at mid range) (this effect may be incorrect, obtained Big Roaster without increased rocket speed), 3 rockets per shot. (Quest reward, "Note for Self-Person").
• It's actually a fairly rational fear in this case. – Pyrophobia: Causes the rockets to continuously explode during their flight. (Drops from Incinerator Clayton)
• Multi-kill. – Badaboom: Fires 6 rockets simultaneously at the cost of 1 rocket ammo. (Drops from King Mong)
• non-dairy – Creamer: High rocket velocity, rocket splits in two after a certain distance. A ratio to the damage done is converted to health, no matter direct damage or damage over time. (Quest Reward, "Creature Slaughter: Round 5")
• full of bees. – Hive: Corrosive elemental. Consumes 4 ammo per shot. Fires a stationary "beehive" that emits many small homing rockets. (Drops from Saturn)
• Blows Up Everything!!! – Norfleet: An E-Tech Rocket Launcher that hurls three balls of energy similar to that seen from PRAZMA CANNONS. Each ball travels in a rather slow and hectic motion, with each ball dealing a tremendous amount of damage, while covering a large area of effect. (Drops from Vermivorous)
• Nec Pluribus Impar, Bitches. – 12 Pounder: Has extremely high damage and high accuracy. Fires an arcing cannonball that bounces once if it hits a surface. Also reloads incredibly fast. (Drops from Big Sleep)

SMG's:

• in Spain, stays mainly on the plain. – Bane: Slows movement to a crawl (even running), produces Psycho Midget noises when switching to it, firing, and reloading. (Quest Reward: "The Bane")
• When I'm good, I'm very good... – Bad Touch: Deals corrosive damage, and while wielded any elemental damage-over-time you deal returns health. Greatly increased accuracy while scoped and +70% critical hit damage. (Randomly given by Moxxi as a reward for tipping)
• ...but when I'm bad, I'm better. – Good Touch: Deals fire damage, and while wielded any elemental damage-over-time you deal returns health. Greatly increased accuracy while scoped and +70% critical hit damage. Equipping this gun causes the controller to vibrate until you switch to something else or open your inventory. (Randomly given by Moxxi as a reward for tipping)
• The gun of the Bulls. – Lascaux: 9-round burst fire while scoped; always has a Double mod and +100% recoil reduction. The fire pattern is fixed, resembling a bull. The crosshairs display an area much smaller than the firing pattern. (always found in Frostburn Canyon cave area, left fork in a pool of water)
• Riastrad! – Chulainn: Fires rounds that has procs both shock and slag, player is slagged when equipped. (Quest reward, "Clan Wars: Zafords vs. Hodunks")
• I have a Soldier, a Siren, two Scooters and a Claptrap. – Commerce: Unclear, possibly fast reload speed. (Dropped by Assassin Wot in "Assassinate the Assassins")
• Who's a widdle gunny wunny!!! – Baby Maker: Spawns 1-4 child grenades after initial Tediore explosion. Tediore weapon grenade deals 200% increased damge in comparison to other Tediore of same bullet damage and clip amount. (Drops from Madame Von Bartlesby, due to a bug it also drops from Mad Dog)
• you know... for him. – Emperor: When zoomed, fires 6 shot burst. Very fast accuracy recovery. (Drops from any Assassin in, "Assassinate the Assassins")
• We don't need no fire... – HellFire: A returning Legendary weapon from BL1. High fire damage that stacks and triggers on every shot. (Drops from Scorch)
• yup. back. – Bitch: A returning Legendary weapon from BL1. Extremely low (< -100%) "recoil reduction" - firing increases accuracy very quickly compared to most Hyperion SMGs. (Drops from BNK-3R)
• The Lead Wind Blows! – Bone Shredder: A returning Unique weapon from BL1. Fires two bullets per shot. (Drops from Bone Head 2.0)
• blagaga – Slagga: Three pellets per bullet, always has Slag element. (Drops from Tector and Jimbo Hodunk)
• We need to talk about your DPS report. – Actualizer: +200% Weapon Accuracy. (120 crystals @ Seraph Vendor, Pirate's Booty DLC)
• In. Not unlike Errol. – Sand Hawk: Uses three rounds per shot. Fires a "bird" of 8 shots that actually flaps its wings. (Quest Reward, "Whoops" in Pirate's Booty DLC)